It was a moment. It’s time to be a hero, to become a legend, to be forever remembered in the history books as the person who led the team to the finals.
He approached the penalty area, placed the ball and pushed back. The goalkeeper looked nervous, but then so did the penalty taker. It was a cold day, but everything inside this arena (field) was boiling.
Thoughts flashed through my head: why does the defender take this penalty? Why is one of the attackers crying on the sidelines? Whose dad is it that yells and screams that “he’ll go to your right”? What happens if he misses?
Using his aggressive dad’s words against him, he punched the ball to the right of the keeper and it worked. The keeper rushed the wrong way, the ball clearly flew into the net… until a leg popped out that seemed to stretch beyond all limits of human contortion. A leg… even a toe, sticks out incredibly from the boot, pushing the ball to the bar.
The boy missed.
Time sped up in no time so in no time the Under 11s Cubs football team were out of the tournament. Steve was still crying on the sidelines, even more so now, probably knowing he’d smashed it as the team’s leadoff hitter.
The defender fell to his knees. Heartbroken, the same as many of his sports idols felt. There was no glory. Game over.
At that point, the guy vowed that if this ever happened in his future, he would never participate in a 30-minute (or so) podcast about balls in sports video games, so welcome to VG247’s Best Games PodcastEpisode 9: The Best Non-Sports Ball Game Ever.
Please let us know what you think of the show – and if you’re listening to it for the first time, go back to previous episodes. You can listen to them in any order as there are no rhymes or reasons to the themes. If you have any suggestions for topics, we’d love to hear them. I won’t lie. Coming up with new topics every week is harder than I imagined and I might as well take a break. Otherwise, we will do shows like this The best game with a character who wears pants.
“What’s VG247’s best gaming podcast?” you ask, still a little confused by the genre-defying opening of this podcast article. I was inclined to say something like “It’s a 30-minute panel show where we decide the best game in a certain category”, but given that some of these episodes are now 40 minutes long, that’s a flat-out lie, although still the goal – sometimes we just got a little carried away. I’m sorry, okay? It’s easy to point the finger and say things should have been different. Don’t be one of those people. “The boy” knows that he should have kept the ball lower. Leave it.
We’ve got some details on the show’s content below (in case you want to refresh your memory before heading to the comments to make a great, thoughtful post, or don’t want to listen but want to know what games we picked), so if you want to avoid spoilers, don’t scroll past this fan-made creation of what Chris Brett would look like if he had a dog’s head and was watching from a balcony in Red Dead Redemption 2 (Support friends VG247, People Make Games, on Patreon).
The best non-sports ball game ever
This is the topic of the ninth episode of VG247’s Best Games Ever podcast. Here’s a breakdown of who chose what.
Tom – Red Dead Redemption 2
Great game? Check it out! Maybe even one of the greatest of all time. Features of the balls? So Rockstar accurately modeled these horses. Not a sports game? Check it out! This is a full western. Couldn’t even Jim wrest this victory from me?
Alex – Conker’s Bad Fur Day
When this topic was chosen for the podcast, I obviously decided to interpret the balls as testicles because I am a grown, 33-year-old adult. When I think of goofballs in games, my first thought goes straight to the absolutely ball-filled N64 classic Conker’s Bad Fur Day. My main argument is for the Bourgeois big fat cauldron, the memorable boss, which is a giant furnace that has “copper balls polished to the nth degree”. And what do you do? Well, you climb between the legs of the boiler and break its balls with a brick of the house. This is just one example of the excellent use of balls in Conker; there’s more in the podcast. A feast for the ears!
Connor – Deadly League
Lethal League is a great fighting game where instead of punching each other in the face, players have to hit the opponent with a baseball placed in the center of the screen. The more the ball is hit, the faster it moves, leading to high-intensity matches where distance is crucial. It has great music, attractive visuals, a collection of characters, each with their own special moves and super attacks. It’s not a sports game either! Just because a baseball is present does not make it a sport! If you kick a ball through a school window, are you playing football? In no case.
Let us know which game you’d pick and if you think Tom was right? If you like the podcast please subscribe and leave a review saying how great it is and tell all your friends. Tweet about it, post it on Facebook, write an obituary for the Eurogamer podcast(s) for the local paper and ask people to listen to it instead.
Check back in a week for another episode of VG247’s Greatest Games Ever podcast.
If you want more podcasts, you could do worse than check out our friends at Rock Paper Shotgun who host the Electronic Wireless Show. Eurogamer has two shows (greedy!), Digital Foundry has DF Direct, Dicebreaker covers the world of board games, and the Outside Xbox lot has Oxventure – A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast.